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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24564817">never knew there was someone to make me come alive</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/trinitarias/pseuds/trinitarias'>trinitarias</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempt at Humor, Choi Soobin-Centric, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Magical Realism</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:13:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,412</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24564817</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/trinitarias/pseuds/trinitarias</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em>Labyrinth</em> by Choi Beomgyu isn’t a heavy book. 300 pages and that’s a stretch; the cover is dark blue and the title’s white, a golden labyrinth is printed in the center and in the middle of it there’s some kind of face. White dots of something that’s supposed to be stars are in the whole cover and back.</p>
</blockquote><br/>(Soobin reads. Beomgyu writes. The rest is Fate, or something like that.)
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin, Choi Soobin &amp; Choi Yeonjun, Choi Soobin &amp; Huening Kai</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>94</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>never knew there was someone to make me come alive</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time it’s an accident.</p><p>Soobin’s just received his acceptance letter to Sungkyunkwan U for Library &amp; Information Science and he’s as nervous as he is excited. This made him hug his mother, yell at his father in pure excitement and spin him around for a few minutes, and run out of his house to his favorite bookstore.</p><p>For someone as reserved as Soobin, that’s quite a switch. But as soon as he takes a step into <em>Iris&amp;Oliver</em> he’s himself again, thankfully.</p><p>He’s been buying, borrowing, exchanging and selling books to them ever since he decided Julio Verne was much more entertaining than TV. The owner, a tall older woman who’s as kind as she is strict, takes a look at him: messy hair, radiant smile and labored breathing and tells him to <em>take one for free today, Soobin-ah. You deserve it.</em></p><p>Soobin stopped denying her these kinds of things ages ago, now that he’s going to be gone he won’t start. He loses himself within the bookshelves, standing on his tiptoes if he can’t reach a particular shelf (which doesn’t happen often) or crouching until his legs hurt from walk-crouching through the narrow hallways. It’s been an hour or so, a few curious stares and a yell of ‘is that worm boy over there?’ with a reply from the older lady of ‘worm boy only comes here on Saturdays!’ for him to finally find something.</p><p><em>Labyrinth</em> by Choi Beomgyu isn’t a heavy book. 300 pages and that’s a stretch; the cover is dark blue and the title’s white, a golden labyrinth is printed in the center and in the middle of it there’s some kind of face. White dots of something that’s supposed to be stars are in the whole cover and back.</p><p>There’s no synopsis, no author biography, no praises. Not even a one liner to catch someone’s eye. Soobin is a little intrigued.</p><p>He shows it to the old lady before leaving and her eyes widen in surprise but then she shakes her head as if in disbelief. Soobin has no time to think this as strange. He attempts to hug her from across the counter, fails, kisses her cheek instead and begins the walk back home, focused on avoiding the dragonfly activists on his way back.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Only a handful of books merit the task of Not Sleeping At Night Because It’s That Good. <em>Labyrinth</em> turns out to be one of them. The sun’s barely peeking through the horizon, its rays shyly falling across Soobin’s bedroom floor when he’s done with it.</p><p>He lies down on his bed, wipes a few tears shed for Han Taeyeon‘s search for himself and takes a deep breath. Then he grabs his phone and googles <em>CHOI BEOMGYU BOOKS</em>.</p><p>This is what he finds:</p><ol>
<li>Choi Beomgyu wrote 3 novels, a poetry book and some kind of science essay with a Kang Taehyun.</li>
<li>The novels are called <em>Labyrinth</em>, <em>Maze </em>and <em>Mirror</em>.</li>
<li>There were only 100 or less copies of <em>Mirror</em> printed, in Korea only.</li>
<li>He’s been missing since 1983, declared dead in 2013.</li>
</ol><p>He spends the next weeks seamlessly looking for more of the authors’ books but the search is fruitless. He goes back to <em>I&amp;O</em> and the owner tells him she’s never seen any other book by that same author. He asks the dandelions by the oldest bookstore in the city but they don’t know either.</p><p>Soobin’s not sure what to do after that. He can trust the old lady since he’s known her forever and he can trust the dandelions since they can’t lie – they live for too little time to tell any. So he walks bookstores and libraries, crouches between at least 184 shelves, and offers monetary compensation plus tteokbokki for any information about the books.</p><p>No one ever contacts him, not even as a prank. And so, summer comes to an end, Soobin leaves home in a sea of <em>I love you</em>, <em>take care</em>, <em>please call!</em> And hopes Choi Beomgyu’s books find him somewhere along the way to Seoul.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>There’s a boy that has been coming to his dreams ever since he was a child. He remembers every dream with an astounding clarity but the first one always takes the cake. He’s maybe 5 or 6 years old and there’s this person he’s never seen before holding his hand and strolling casually through his neighborhood like he belongs there somehow. He’s talking, but Soobin can’t understand anything. He’s also wearing a pink hanbok.</p><p>‘I’m not supposed to hold hands with weird strangers,’ he tells Pink Hanbok when it seems like he won’t stop unless forced to.</p><p>The man stops and his eyes find Soobin’s. He feels – something. Like the start of a song has been played in a silent room and now that he’s heard it, he can’t help wanting to hear more of it. He tilts his head trying to find it again but it’s gone.</p><p>Even if this is a weird stranger, he sure is pretty. Not prettier than Soobin’s mom of course but a very close second. The boy is about to inform him of this when he blinks and just like that, the man vanishes.</p><p>Not even 14 steps later he finds a boy that looks exactly like Pink Hanbok and asks him very seriously, ‘did you get smaller to play with me?’</p><p>He looks at Soobin warily, scared.</p><p>Since he hasn’t been raised to play with strange boys his age either, he asks, ‘what’s your name?’</p><p>The boy says he’s the Little Prince and when Soobin tells him, ‘that’s my favorite book’, he grins and answers, ‘me too!’</p><p>(After, Soobin doesn’t ask again. He’ll know his name sooner or later.)</p><p>He visits once a day at the very least, and always gives him a different name. Sometimes Soobin sees him during nap time or at night, and sometimes both. At first the other boy talks strangely and his accent is so thick Soobin can barely understand him; it gets easier with time but not without a considerable amount of effort consisting of pantomimes, peculiar hand signals and strange noises only a 6 year old mind could possibly make sense of.</p><p>He doesn’t like to think someone whom he’s only ever met in dreams is his best friend, but he does anyway.</p><p>He grows, and the boy grows along with him.</p><p>When he’s 14 he confides to him (today’s name: Cao Zhi) his worries about girls, which is a topic his classmates suddenly love to openly discuss. It’s not like he’s blind, they are very pretty and he would love to be their friend, but when the others talk about what they want to do with them Soobin feels like running away or telling the girls so the boys get reported. He doesn’t know.</p><p>The park should be empty at night but dream logic demands it is filled with all kinds of people: from little children running around with sparklers to grandmothers playing seesaw and grandfathers drinking tea at the bottom of a few slides to girls dancing to Swan Lake in the castle. Soobin glances at Zhi from the corner of his eyes, sitting by his side on the swing set, waiting for him to respond. A firefly lands on his nose and he wrinkles his nose in distaste.</p><p>‘Would you ever want to do those kinds of things with people?’ he asks softly.</p><p>Soobin holds onto the swing’s chain tighter. The words he should say are sitting prettily at the tip of his tongue, waiting only for him to open his mouth and not think at all, but a look at the boy’s face stops him. He looks too sincere, too worried, too open.</p><p>‘I don’t know,’ he confesses, the distress in his voice making everyone in the park disappear.</p><p>‘Hey,’ he taps Soobin’s hand carefully, a question. He nods so the boy can continue. ‘I’ll share my mom’s secret with you. When I was 12, I saw two girls in my class kissing – yes! Kissing! – And I was curious, so I asked my mom about it. She told me that it didn’t matter if people want to be with girls, boys, no one at all. The most important thing is your own happiness and being a good person, so that’s what I think, too.’ He finishes proudly, with a small smile.</p><p>The boy keeps playing with his fingers as Soobin tries to make sense of this piece of information that makes his heart clench, his eyes shine and his breath stutter.</p><p>’Your mom sounds pretty cool,’ he croaks out, throat tight.</p><p>His entire demeanor softens, making Soobin wonder if that’s what he looks like when he talks about the people he loves, too.</p><p>‘She really is.’</p><p>The silence after is comfortable, and slowly, the park is filled with people again. The boy looks back at him, a serious look on his face.</p><p>Then, ‘You shouldn’t mind them anyway,’ he deadpans, ‘I’m the only one you need.’</p><p>Soobin pushes him off the swing.</p><p> </p><p>At 16, Soobin has his first wet dream. He wakes up flushed from head to toe, sticky and so embarrassed he yells into his pillows for a good 10 minutes. His mom knocks on his door and he thinks he says something coherent because next thing he knows she’s walking away from his bedroom door. He tells his brain, <em>I don't even know that girl!</em> Then he imagines it going<em> well is it my fault that your hormone levels are rising and you are worried about your sexual and romantic orientation to the level of dreaming about sleeping with someone with boobs?</em> So he guesses that’s fair.</p><p>Nights later, he's in a forest's clearing with the boy (today's name: Laurie). They’re lying on the grass side by side, the sky above them impossibly vast and filled with stars, moon yellow and huge. The night is warm, but not uncomfortably so; cicadas let them know its summer.</p><p>Soobin doesn't even know how to start this conversation. It can't get any worse than this. He clears his throat pointedly, doesn’t look away from the sky and opens with, ‘have you ever dreamed about... sex?'</p><p>He can feel Laurie’s eyes on him, shining with curiosity. 'Of course,' he answers haughtily, 'Jo is lovely, how can I not dream of her?'</p><p>Soobin, who’s been mindlessly plucking grass, throws a fistful of it in the boy’s way. 'I'm serious!'</p><p>Laurie makes a face at him but remains quiet, thinking. These are some of his favorite moments, Soobin thinks as he waits for his answer. The boy while energetic and very provocative is naturally thoughtful and kind; a combination that sometimes baffles him; puzzle pieces that shouldn’t fit together but do.</p><p>‘Why does it bother you?’ the boy asks, eventually.</p><p>Soobin doesn’t have to think about it too much. ‘I didn’t know who she was.’</p><p>‘Is that it?’</p><p>‘I think so, yes’</p><p>He hums, ‘Do you think if it were someone you were close to, you would be okay?’</p><p>Soobin squirms, presses his lips together. ‘I don’t really know…’</p><p>‘You should think about it,’ he shrugs and that’s the end of it.</p><p>(even later, he’ll dream of pale skin, soft black hair and eyes that say<em> I dare you, get closer, I dare you </em>but hands that promise the softest touch. He pretends it’s the same as the last one when deep down, he knows it’s completely different.)</p><p> </p><p>When he’s 17 he asks, ‘Are you even real?’</p><p>The boy’s (today’s name: Aureliano) eyes glint as he walks a few centimeters above the ground. Not for the first time Soobin thinks that his favorite thing to do is bend the dreamscape by the slightest margin possible so it seems everything he does within their space could be done in real life.</p><p>Aureliano glances at him and says, ‘Reality exists in the human mind and nowhere else.’</p><p>Soobin makes a noise between a whine and a sigh, grabs him by a hand and forces him to stop gliding around. ‘Stop quoting Orwell and answer me,’ he demands, pouting.</p><p>‘I’m real,’ he confirms, but immediately his brows furrow and he confesses, ‘I don’t know why we haven’t met yet, though.’</p><p>Soobin deflates like a balloon, physically and mentally. He frees the boy from his hold and sits in a nearby bench. Aureliano follows him.</p><p>He gets prettier in every dream (the curve of his eyes, the lilt of his voice, the slope of his nose), Soobin thinks to himself as they sit in a comfortable silence. The dream is never motionless – people still walk around them, old ladies scold their grandchildren as they make their way towards a convenience store, western pop plays somewhere nearby, the setting sun casts a gentle light on the city. It’s a lovely day. Soobin wishes for weather like this when he wakes up, he wishes he could bring Aureliano with him, he wishes he could stop noticing things.</p><p>‘10 years and no meeting,’ he murmurs to himself, slumping in the bench.</p><p>‘Has it really been that long?’ the boy wonders, gazing around their dreamspace before his eyes settle on Soobin, considering. He suddenly smiles – small and secretive, just for you – and adds, ‘time does fly when you have a good time, doesn’t it?’</p><p>Soobin really doesn’t want to be cheesy, but in the evening light the boy looks like he came straight from heaven equipped with a single arrow ready to be aimed at his heart and strike true.</p><p>‘I guess so,’ is all he can say to that without completely embarrassing himself.</p><p> </p><p>‘Hey,’ Soobin pokes his cheek; the boy barely pays any attention to him, just hums in response. ‘You didn’t ask <em>me </em>if I was real,’ he observes.</p><p>The boy turns around and scoots closer to him, cups a hand around his mouth and whispers in his ear, ‘I’ve always been sure about you.’</p><p> </p><p>By 18, he thinks he’s never going to get any clear information about this … arrangement.</p><p>They’re in a beach; Soobin has no idea where or why since he’s not exactly the biggest outside enthusiast nor is he someone who will say ‘I am so pale! I should go get some sun, preferably on a place where I will be half naked and with a lot of people who will at some point or another, stare at me’.</p><p>That’s a big no-no.</p><p>They’re not lying in hot sand at least; a big baby blue towel, same color as the sky, is spread right under him and the boy. The umbrella above their heads covers them almost completely, Soobin only has to curl his toes a little to be fully protected from the sun. He can see the waves crashing against the shore, pure white froth coming together with shiny honey brown. The sea breeze is calm, dancing across his body but unconcerned about him; almost careless but not quite. They’re all alone.</p><p>Soobin sits up and asks as always, <em>name?</em></p><p>The boy seems completely at peace here. Maybe he’s the reason why they’re on the beach, maybe it’s his home, maybe he’s a pirate in land who’s planning to steal only the most valuable treasures and go back to the sea. He’s lying down in the towel, eyes closed. His eyelashes look incredibly long in Soobin’s opinion and his black hair is unbothered by the wind. He’s wearing a red and white, polka dotted swimsuit that barely reaches mid-thigh with a white oversized shirt. His bare legs are pale, long and he thinks <em>coquettish</em> before vanishing the thought form his brain.</p><p>He hums and says, ‘Paris.’</p><p>Soobin snorts. The boy barely opens his eyes to glare at him with no real heat in it but he does props himself up with his elbows, half-sitting to level his gaze at him.  </p><p>‘What, am I not pretty enough for <em>Paris</em>?’ he asks, head slightly tilted to the side and lips barely moving to form the vaguest shape of a smile. Soobin is frozen on the spot. His tongue feels heavy, and his throat as dry as the hottest of summer days. Briefly, he registers the waves have stopped crashing.</p><p>He tries to say something clever like <em>oh I am sure Aphrodite would agree</em> but then he realizes what that means and thinks <em>wait no</em> and in the end he just – gurgles out something that sounds suspiciously like ‘eughuhguh’.</p><p>Paris sighs. The waves crash the shore again.</p><p>‘Let’s get into the water, come on,’ he says, getting up slowly.</p><p>Soobin, still reeling from his blunder tells him that he’s never been at the beach. Paris’ eyes sparkle, mischievous and bright and he says <em>don’t worry; I’ll make it feel really good.</em></p><p>Soobin blushes from the tip of his toes to his ears.</p><p>(he follows the boy into the water not a second later)</p><p> </p><p>The boy (today’s name: Banquo) starts disappearing the night he tells him about <em>Labyrinth</em>.</p><p>He’s sitting in a white, uncomfortable bench surrounded by walls made of vines and bushes. There are all kinds of flowers around; violet linarias, forget-me-nots and blue hydrangeas. Banquo lies on the grass, watching the clouds; sunlight making him radiant. Soobin looks away, afraid that if he doesn’t – he won’t stop.</p><p>‘Oh,’ he breathes. ‘I think we’re in a labyrinth.’</p><p>The boy doesn’t miss a beat, ‘How do you know it’s not a maze?’</p><p>‘I don’t really know the difference,’ he answers honestly.</p><p>When he mentions <em>Labyrinth</em> to the boy, his eyes go impossibly large. He doesn’t interrupt Soobin at all when he’s gushing about the plot, how much he loved it, what he thought the author meant or anything else, he just stares at him like – he doesn’t even know.</p><p>Later, Soobin will realize how weird that was. (What he won’t remember is the boy blushing all through his speech, eyes following his hands as he explains something or another, too shocked to do anything else.)</p><p>When he asks the boy if he’s ever heard of the author he gets an incredibly heartfelt <em>No</em>.</p><p>‘Too bad,’ he hums. ‘This Choi Beomgyu, I think he’s really something else.’</p><p>He comes back, not every night but at least once a week at 20. He’s Hastie Lanyon when he holds a crying Soobin because he misses home, Prospero when he gets his first 100% on an exam, Orlando when he listens to Soobin tell the story of him making his first friend in university and another one of a date gone hilariously wrong, and Edmund when he holds Soobin’s hand as he tells him about the poppies and his mom and his hometown because <em>I want to hear your voice</em>.</p><p>At 21, weekly visits are merely a dream, which is so ironic Soobin would laugh if he wasn’t so sad about it. He actively looks for him when he’s not absolutely dead on his feet and when he finds the boy they laugh, bicker, and reminisce as if they were old men. When he wakes up he’s so tired that getting up seems to be a new kind of torture created specifically for him.</p><p>At 22, he’s the smell of the sea, a sparkle of mischief and he’s Cho Byungwoo for the rest of his visits (Soobin would think that was his real name if he didn’t look so sad whenever he calls him Byungwoo, if he didn’t hesitate for a second too long before turning around and saying ‘yes?’ or ‘what is it, Soobin-ah?’) and looking at him makes Soobin ache from the tip of his eyelashes to the smallest one of his pores because he just wants and wants and wants.</p><p><em>You had him for ages</em>, he tells himself, <em>and you didn’t do a single thing</em>.</p><p>At 23, he’s part of the Ghost Club along with Choi Beomgyu. Soobin’s not sad or anything, he just cries for weeks, gets dotted on by his friends and makes it a personal mission to stop himself from looking for <em>Cho Byungwoo</em> or whoever the hell he is in every wisp of black hair, every pair of starry eyes, every set of soft looking hands.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The second time, it’s luck.</p><p>Soobin’s not someone who gives up easily, so even after starting his studies he looks for Choi Beomgyu’s books: from the flashiest stores in the corners of Myeongdong and Gangnam where it's impossible to walk without bumping into someone to the homiest ones in Euljiro and Daehangno where it almost feels like being back home in Ansan. Almost 4 years later he’s not given up, not exactly – but his expeditions for Daegu’s ghost author have become less and less frequent.</p><p>Since it’s Sunday he’s in Yeonjun’s favorite teashop having Yeonjun’s second favorite milk tea and telling Yeonjun himself all about his latest book hunt, fully acting the voices of every helper, owner and supposed ‘literature connoisseur’ that wouldn’t help him yesterday. He’s in the middle of making an acrostic poem with the name of one of the men who straight up pretended he was invisible when –</p><p>‘Remember my horn? The one that grows in my head?’</p><p>Soobin does remember so he nods. When he first met Yeonjun that’s the first thing he said to him.</p><p>‘The one I told you to go to the doctor for and you told me to go fuck myself? I could never forget it, hyung.’ <em>Just like I could never forget your hideous ‘save the spiders’ shirt</em> he mentally adds but refuses to say. Whenever he brings up Yeonjun’s past in spider activism, he gets <em>weird</em>.</p><p>Yeonjun pinches Soobin’s arm, he yelps and flicks the elder’s forehead. His eyes say <em>Murder Is Legal If I Get Away With It</em> but his vocal chords deny him the intention with, ‘Guess who’s been going to a doctor and getting some results!’</p><p>Soobin’s mouth forms quite a shapely O and Yeonjun squeezes his cheeks making his mouth look like an hourglass. ‘Apparently it brings luck! So next time you go book hunting, take me with you. We’ll see how it goes.’</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun’s conditions are as follows:</p><ol>
<li>Soobin needs to make a list of all the bookstores he’s ever been to in Seoul so they can ignore them.</li>
<li>His horn grows only on Tuesdays and Thursdays therefore they must pick the stores during those days to maximize luck and the expedition must be in the same day or the following Horn Day.</li>
<li>He’s not going to explain how it works because <em>You Hate Math And I Am Not Going To Discuss Probability Equations and Theory With Someone Who Will Not Enjoy It</em>. Whatever.</li>
<li>Soobin will pay for their drinks.</li>
</ol><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A week later, with Yeonjun’s horn growing from his right cheek this time and in a truly awful shade of green, they get down to business.</p><p>The fifth to last bookstore they check out is specifically for architecture textbooks. Yeonjun and Soobin are slurping their favorite iced coffee from their third favorite coffee shop and standing in front of <em>Swoogeun &amp; Joongup</em>, checking the glass exhibition and finishing their drinks before they go in. Soobin’s been staring at Yeonjun for a solid time of 3 minutes and 25 seconds to make some sort of ‘are you serious?’ gesture but it seems like the other man’s too focused on the books and drinking his coffee as loudly as possible to pay any attention to him. He sighs as he finishes his drink and mentally shrugs, <em>why the fuck not?</em> Mazes and mirrors are a part of architecture. Or something.</p><p>By the time they’re done with their drinks, Yeonjun takes their cups and throws them in a trash bin nearby. Soobin pretends to swoon at his gentlemanly ways while the older rolls his eyes.</p><p>‘A hyung I know works here and he said they also have architecture themed novels or something here, so maybe…’ he smiles his <em>I Am an Incredible Friend</em> smile and doesn’t finish the sentence<em>. I can’t believe this insufferable prick is my best friend</em>, Soobin thinks.</p><p>They go in and the man behind the counter is possibly the sixth most beautiful person Soobin’s ever seen. He almost swoons for real this time.</p><p>‘You’re so –‘</p><p>‘Taehyung hyung!’ Yeonjun greets in his cheeriest voice. Soobin shudders.</p><p>‘Yeonjunnie! Welcome!’ says the beautiful person.</p><p>Inside, the walls are bright orange and covered in pictures of every possible type of building through history, starting from the wall closest to the door in the 1500’s. Behind the counter, there’s a huge fish tank with nothing but shrimps inside and behind the tank there’s an ominous looking black door that leads to a room with black walls.</p><p>Soobin’s eyes hurt from the colors. He lets Yeonjun introduce him and explain everything as he takes off his glasses presses his hands to his eyes and wonders if Taehyung ever eats the shrimp he keeps. He hopes not, it would be the worst kind of betrayal.</p><p>‘Let me know if there’s anything I can help you with,’ says Taehyung with a lovely boxy smile.</p><p>Soobin does his routine: walk on his tippy toes when he can’t see the top shelf, crouch-walk the halls until his legs go numb. Taehyung eventually finds them lying back to back on the floor of the 8<sup>th </sup>hallway. He doesn’t say anything, just looms over the hall in a threatening manner – the unblinking, unmoving, is he even breathing? Kind until he’s noticed.</p><p>‘He gets my luck like this,’ is all Yeonjun has to say about it. Taehyung nods as if it’s a perfectly acceptable answer. Soobin guesses he’s seen weirder things happen.</p><p>‘You said you were looking for Choi Beomgyu’s books, right?’</p><p>Soobin stands up, attempts to fix his skewed glasses, nods.</p><p>‘What’s your name?’</p><p>He tells him his name again.</p><p>Taehyung walks back to the counter, opens a drawer and reaches for something. His arm is almost completely into it when he says ‘aha!’ and starts pulling something out.</p><p><em>Maze</em> is a lot thicker than <em>Labyrinth</em>. If Soobin were to guess he’d say it’s 500 to 600 pages; the cover is black, with gold letters and a white maze in the middle, barely any different than the cover for <em>Labyrinth</em>. No author biography, no synopsis or witty one liner.</p><p>It’s beautiful. Yeonjun wolf whistles.</p><p>‘How much is it?’ Soobin asks</p><p>‘You’re Choi Soobin-ssi so it’s free for you.’</p><p>He frowns and asks, ‘What do you mean?’</p><p>‘My grandfather knows Choi Beomgyu-ssi. He gave him a few things for you and <em>Maze</em> is one of them. So it’s free.’</p><p>Soobin’s mind runs 600 kilometers per second at this admission and he half screams, ‘you have more of his work?!’</p><p>There are many more things he’d like to know like <em>Why me? What the fuck?</em> But he’s been chasing nothing short of barely-there shadows and the howl of the wind for 4 years so his first instinct is to take everything, ask questions later.</p><p>‘Yes,’ Taehyung says. A beat and then, ‘will you be free in two weekends? I’m going to Daegu. You can come with me to pick up his things if you’d like.’</p><p>Soobin doesn’t know if he’s free or if he has a million essays to write. He nods so fast and so many times that when he stops he feels dizzy. Yeonjun gives him a look that means <em>I’m Never Going out with You Again</em>.</p><p>Then Taehyung nods and says, ‘Those are your soul mate’s things, after all. Give me your number, I’ll text you.’</p><p>Soobin screams.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He reads the book in 2 days.</p><p><em>Maze</em> is an interesting book. It takes the protagonist through different timelines, but in all of them he learns the exact same things with a set of different experiences. The writing is phenomenal, but the most striking part is the emotion itself. Soobin reads Han Taeyeon grieving, lost, confused, angry and bitter and it all struck a chord within him so hard he doesn’t know how to express it correctly.</p><p>Then he reads the name<em> Cho Byungwoo</em> and stops functioning.</p><p>(He searches first, of course. He finds no other character with that name. Then he dutifully decides to stop everything else in his life and lose his shit for a few hours.)</p><p>Later, sitting on Kai’s bed, in tears and wearing his stupid university hoodie and sweatpants, he tells Kai everything. From the very beginning of his dreams as a little baby who knew nothing, to finding Maze and figuring – what he considers – everything out. On one hand, he feels great about venting to the angel sitting by his side and sharing his favorite blanket, but on the other one – Kai’s in medicine and combining that with his curious nature means he has <em>many</em> questions Soobin isn’t sure how to answer, like: <em>does your family have any magical abilities similar to this? Any history of soulmates or bonding magic? Any magical or weird accident, even if it happened generations ago?</em></p><p>The last question has him frowning. ‘What does that have to do with anything? But no, I don’t think so.’</p><p>Kai thinks about his words for a moment and at last, nods. ‘Any sort of bond magic is not only strong but also volatile. If you are magical in any way, you can have any sort of manifestation but it doesn’t have to affect anyone or anything else unless the wielder makes it so. With bonding magic you have to take more things into account.’ He frowns as finishes his rant, grabs a potato chip and eats it.</p><p>‘My grandparents were soulmates,’ he tells Soobin with a faraway, almost longing look in his eyes and a soft voice. ‘They loved to tell everyone how they met. See, one day my grandpa wakes up, goes to the beach and finds a small boat there. The important part is that he feels some sort of pull towards it or something; he described it differently every time. But then he gets in and what do you know, flowers start to bloom. Then all sort of fishes push the boat all the way to a port in Nikolski where my grandma was waiting. They used to say it wasn’t love at first sight but I doubt it.’ He shrugs, clears his throat and continues, ‘but the thing is when grandpa died, she was almost like a ghost. And then she just – disappeared.’</p><p>Soobin frowns. He wants to say <em>people don’t just disappear that easily</em> but the pain in his best friend eyes is too real to be any sort of joke. He pulls Kai towards him, hugs him and kisses his forehead.  </p><p>After, he wipes his eyes and finishes with, ‘what I’m trying to say, hyung, is that I think the reason your dream author has been missing is because his connection to you is getting weaker.’</p><p><em>And how am I supposed to fix that?</em>  Soobin thinks to himself.</p><p>‘Guess I’ll die then. Let’s eat all the ice cream,’ is what he ends up saying, and they do.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Soobin – by pure and sheer determination plus a little anger and sprinkles of general hurt feelings – finds him that night, the first thing he does is conjure/think/appear the thickest book he knows (<em>Infinite Jest</em>) and hit him as many times as possible, while yelling, ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were my SOULMATE?’</p><p>Choi Beomgyu lies sprawled like a starfish in their dreamscape. It’s completely white, not discerning at all of directions. He’s the only dot of color on the dream, red and black and bold but he looks so defeated that Soobin feels a little bad. There’s no evidence of anything happening to him of course, but he barely has the strength to sit up – Soobin offers him his hand, but Beomgyu shakes his head and pulls him down by his side, so close he could count his eyelashes if he wanted to.</p><p>Then he notices Beomgyu looks almost transparent. Huh.</p><p>‘I didn’t know for sure until a few years ago and by then I couldn’t… I was too weak.’ Beomgyu forces out, clenching his fists. He’s never heard Beomgyu raise his voice like this, but even this close to him his sentences are a little distorted; an echo of a faraway song. Soobin’s hands gently pry his open and Beomgyu seems to relax the tiniest bit. His hand ghost over Soobin’s slowly, carefully. A question he doesn’t need to ask.</p><p>‘Taehyunnie, who is the smartest person I trust, thinks it’s because the magic’s conflicted.’ he smiles sadly, eyes bright with unshed tears and Soobin thinks <em>no, no</em> and laces their fingers together. Beomgyu holds tighter. He looks like he’s in pain.</p><p>‘I can’t stay, okay? But you can find me. Don’t worry; we will see each other again.’</p><p>Soobin feels a light pressure on his forehead, a squeeze of his hand and then, nothing.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The third time, as they say, is the Charm.</p><p>Soobin is jittery, nervous, so excited that neither his angel Kai nor his devil Yeonjun can stand to be around him for more than 10 minutes and 64 seconds. Several of his professors openly dismissed him from their classes, one of them – his favorite, Miss Solji – sends him an email that asks him to <em>refrain from attending her class if he’s going to keep this behavior</em> <em>up</em> and<em> just send your homework via email and your final thesis correction</em>.</p><p>‘A lover’s life is so hard’, he tells his angel roommate a week before the fated trip. Kai pats his hair in a way Soobin knows means <em>you’re so stupid but I love you so I won’t tell you that</em>. He appreciates the effort.</p><p>Later, Angel and Devil will insist on going with him to the train station to meet Taehyung. The trip isn’t long; 2 hours at most so he’ll definitely be back today. T-minus 20 minutes before call time, they begin the walk towards the platform.</p><p>‘If you get kidnapped,’ Kai says seriously, ‘call us.’</p><p>‘I will not get kidnapped.’</p><p>‘That’s what they always say,’ he sighs, shaking his head. Yeonjun and Soobin share A Look.</p><p>Taehyung, who’s sitting close by the platform reading a book (<em>Jellyfish Born People and More Deep Sea Wonders)</em>, sees them coming and waves, smiling. <em>Let’s go</em>, Soobin tells himself and walks towards him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They arrive, get on a taxi and 25 minutes later he feels like he’s in front of his future.</p><p>The house is entirely unassuming – brown fence, single story, a soft yellow. There are flowers everywhere in the front garden, and strawberries grow by the window pots. Taehyung taps his shoulder and says <em>come on</em>; Soobin presses his lips together before following.</p><p>Taehyung raises his fist to knock on the door but it flies open and his grandfather hugs him. He notices Soobin standing awkwardly by and yells, ‘If it isn’t Choi Soobin-ssi! I’ve been waiting years to meet you. Come on in, come on in.’</p><p>The sitting room is the same yellow as the front with plants in every corner; a small coffee table’s littered books and a tea tray already set and steaming, a dark green armchair, a white soft couch and a muted TV make the room homey.</p><p>‘I hope your trip was okay,’ Taehyung’s grandfather tells him, sitting on the arm chair as he offers him a cup and takes one for himself. Soobin nods, taking it. He knows he looks rattled and a bit unhinged but if there was ever a turning point in his life it’s probably this. The cup shakes slightly in his hold.</p><p>‘I’m just really excited to get Beomgyu’s things’, he answers, sheepish.</p><p>Taehyung’s grandfather nods. ‘Of course. Here you go,’ and he hands him a small box by the armchair that Soobin didn’t notice when he came in.</p><p>He sets the cup aside and opens the box. On top of it there’s a white envelope that’s obviously a letter; he places it by his side on the couch as he carefully looks through everything else inside<em>. Mirror</em> is there and Soobin’s heart can’t not pick up its pace at it. There are more things – photographs, lists, some dry leaves and flowers here and there, the smell of old books along with the flower’s sweet one making a combination that screams <em>home </em>to him.</p><p>Grandfather-Tae watches him from the corner of his eyes as he sips his tea. Soobin reads the letter.</p><p>
  <em>My dearest Soobin,</em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strike>I bet you didn’t think this would be possible!! I didn’t either!!!</strike> </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hope this letter reaches you. I think it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other properly by now, hasn’t it? I miss you much more than you can imagine. I know we never spoke much of the magic in our world but I truly wish we did, since a connection like ours is nothing short of incredible. I hold onto the hope that you don’t regret meeting me and my work in this sort of manner but even if you do, know that you’ve been my inspiration ever since I laid eyes on you. Nothing can quite describe the way your eyes light up when you think you’ve gotten away with a clever joke (they’re not clever at all), or the way you’ll frown when I told you you were the silliest person I’ve ever dream walked on (of course, now you know I only ever lived in your dreams) or how your dimples show whenever you’re truly, truly having a good time. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mirror is my second love letter to you. I hope you cringe as you read the romance like how you do whenever you act cute and think I’m not looking (I am always looking).</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Along with this and Mirror, there are a few poems here and there. My good friend has them. I hope for his own sake he did not read them because those were only for you (there’s a reason I never published them, I wonder what are you thinking about as you imagine what they are about?)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Expecting to see you soon and sending you all the love I can muster which is a lot because my heart is big,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>your Beomgyu.</em>
</p><p>‘He’s expecting me soon? Am I going to die?’ he chokes out, quickly wiping tears from his face.</p><p>Taehyung’s grandfather makes some sort of coughing noise. Later, he will realize he was being laughed at.</p><p>‘Choi Soobin-ssi,’ Taehyung’s grandfather confides, ‘the world is a very strange place. There’s a lot more that you don’t know.’</p><p>He spends the afternoon drinking his favorite tea, listening to stories about a boy with ocean waves in his veins, how he spun so many interesting tales the poppies never forgot a single word of them, and a library where the forgotten authors of the world meet after death to continue living, for remembrance.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>(<em>Mirror</em> is the shortest book in the trilogy; snippets of Taeyeon and Byungwoo’s life intertwined, together, apart. It’s less of a love story and more a list of encounters between people who are inextricably linked. Like <em>Maze</em>, it seems to spawn different timelines but somehow they always find a way to let the other know <em>hey, someone out there cares for you in a way you won’t understand now but maybe soon,</em> puzzle pieces that somehow fit, a positive mark in each other’s life.</p><p>He doesn’t cringe. But he does get a bit teary.)</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>‘Kai! We’re leaving with or without you in 10 minutes,’ Yeonjun yells as Kai comes crashing downstairs.</p><p>Soobin’s graduation presents are:</p><ol>
<li>A trip to London.</li>
<li>An invite from his friends to one of biggest libraries on this side of the continent.</li>
<li>The destruction of <em>all</em> spider paraphernalia in the apartment he now shares with Yeonjun.</li>
<li>Some kind of reunion with his soulmate.</li>
</ol><p> </p><p>The flight sucks. Soobin jiggles his legs so badly the entire time that Yeonjun snaps at him once an hour. Kai sleeps without a care in the world. The hotel gives them a terrific sight of the city and most importantly, the beds are perfect for passing out after winning rock, paper, scissors and having no roommate.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The library is the most beautiful building Soobin’s ever been in. He can see Yeonjun taking a million pictures of every corner and Kai running straight to the medical section but not before letting out a shrill scream that makes at least 30 people glare at him from behind their glasses.</p><p>As he was instructed, he goes to the Spanish section. Then to the A section. Takes <em>Autores Olvidados del Mundo</em> out of its shelf, knocks on it two times, spells L E T M E I N in Morse code, puts it back in, and pulls it out for exactly 4 seconds then back.</p><p>The shelf seems to slide from left to right until there’s nothing but a smooth wooden door half the size of the shelf, with no special details or markings. He freezes.</p><p>He calls his friends. He can’t do this alone.</p><p>‘Do we knock again?’ Kai wonders.</p><p>‘I already did,’ Soobin tells him.</p><p>‘Knock again,’ Yeonjun orders.</p><p>Just before Kai does, a tiny man opens the door. He’s wearing some kind of guard uniform from Europe’s early 1900’s but most striking are his cat-like eyes and stern expression that contains nothing but disdain for them, making the trio feel like they’ve been caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Kai looks at Yeonjun, Yeonjun looks at Soobin. Soobin shrugs.</p><p>‘What do you want?’ the Tiny Man asks.</p><p>‘We’re here to see someone?’ Soobin says.</p><p>‘Are you asking me or telling me?’ replies the menace.</p><p><em>I’ve come all the way to another continent for it to end like this</em>, Soobin thinks.</p><p><em>Just let them in Yoongi holy shit </em>says… someone. They can’t see anything behind the guard, just complete darkness.</p><p>The tiny man – Yoongi – sighs like the weight of the world sits on his shoulders and he has no say in it, rubs his eyes and makes a <em>hurry up</em> gesture with his hands.</p><p>They rush in. Immediately, they’re in a hallway filled with even more books and by the end of the shelves there’s some kind of circular desk station that opens by the sides towards the rest of the place.</p><p>Now, if any of them thought the previous library was entirely too big, this one is ridiculous. The shelves are beautifully wooden, so tall Soobin can’t see where exactly they end, cream walls covered with portraits, clocks, and a floor map. He can’t see a single light source, but that doesn’t stop the lighting from being perfect: a little darker and you’d have a hard time reading, a little brighter you’d get a headache too soon. The amount of people walking by is even sillier. He can’t look at a table, hallway, and fountain without at least 40 people close by.</p><p>‘Wow!’ says Kai. ‘Is the library of the remembered authors as big as this one?’</p><p>Yoongi looks at him like he’s an idiot. ‘Every library in the world is for the other authors. Are you going to ask me if vampires are real next?’</p><p>Kai shrugs, ‘Everyone knows vampires aren’t real.’</p><p>The guard sits in his work station and Soobin can’t help but notice that there’s nothing <em>on </em>it, making it an ideal napping spot. He’s all alone except for a flower pot by his side but the only thing there is a huge stalk. He can’t even see the flower, only a bright dot some hundred meters above.</p><p>‘Who are you looking for?’ he asks.</p><p>‘Choi Beomgyu,’ they answer in chorus.</p><p><em>5<sup>th</sup> floor, K hallway, about 800 steps in. He’s with Kang Taehyun.</em> Says … someone.</p><p>Yoongi nods. ‘You heard Hobi. Check the map and go ahead.’</p><p><em>Who the fuck is Hobi?</em>  The trio thinks.</p><p>‘Thank you for your help,’ they say.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It’s not long before they find another guard. The woman on the 3<sup>rd</sup> floor desk station is possibly the third most beautiful person Soobin’s ever seen. He swoons mentally.</p><p>‘Hello! Welcome, I’m sorry about Yoongi. He just got married and it’s kind of hard for him to have a honeymoon so he’s a little antsy…’ She rambles, sheepish. ‘I’m Hani. I’ll take you guys to your floor.’</p><p>Hani asks them <em>how are you finding the library?</em> And <em>London’s weather is terrible, isn’t it? I miss summers back home</em> and <em>where are you guys from? You should visit this and this, it’s lovely even in this damned weather</em>, and as soon as she utters the last word they’re on the fifth floor. She’s truly an excellent host.</p><p>By the time they arrive to hallway K, Soobin is so nervous that he’s pretty sure he’ll pass out or run away in the next five minutes.</p><p>Before he can do either, Yeonjun puts both hands on his shoulders, pushes him down to his eye level and squeezes. He tells Soobin confidently, ‘You can do this. You know what to do.’</p><p>He frowns. ‘I do?’</p><p>‘You know, Soobin. You know.’</p><p>Kai gives him thumbs up and a quick hug. ‘Go get your man!’ he hollers. At least 30 people give him the stink eye. He completely ignores this, linking his arm with Yeonjun’s and walking towards the L hallway.</p><p>790 steps later, Soobin feels his breath stop when his eyes land on Beomgyu’s sleeping face. He’s curled up on a couch that desperately needs to be replaced – faded yellow, visible black stains and tufts of white plush all around it.</p><p>‘Are you going to stare at him all day?’ a snippy voice behind him asks.</p><p>When he turns around he’s faced with a different flavor of a tiny man: sharp features, doe eyes. His presence screams <em>Do Not Mess With Me</em>. He belatedly notices that Tiny Man is the only other person this far deep into the hallway.</p><p>‘I just… don’t want to wake him up,’ Soobin admits. He can feel himself turning into mush at the speed of light and he hates it but – he can’t help it.</p><p>‘Ah,’ says the Tiny Man, understanding dawning on his eyes. He snaps his fingers at him and Soobin feels vaguely threatened. He asks, ‘you’re Soobin?’</p><p>‘Yes,’ He blinks, confused.</p><p>The Tiny Man nods and walks towards the couch. Soobin watches him sit by Beomgyu’s side, play with his hair for a moment then whisper something in his ear. He feels a pang of longing so intense that it makes him dizzy.</p><p>‘He’ll wake up in a bit,’ Tiny Man says. ‘I’m Taehyun,’ he offers Soobin his hand.</p><p>Soobin foolishly takes it. Taehyun smiles like a wolf that has raided the sheep den successfully for the 12th time as he grips his hand with way more force than necessary. He grimaces but refuses to back down.</p><p>‘He’s still spent from the last time you visited,’ he explains casually, like nothing is really happening but then he grips harder, ‘and I don’t like it. Beomgyu hyung is very important to me. So don’t make him do this again.’ He lets go and Soobin breathes a sigh of pure relief, cradling his hand to his chest.</p><p>‘It’s nice to finally meet you,’ Taehyun says at last, bows and smiles cheekily at him. Before he can utter quite possibly the cleverest response he’s given someone in his entire life, Taehyun is gone.</p><p>Soobin breathes in, closes his eyes and breathes out.</p><p>The next 10 steps feel like an entire lifetime and a single second at the same time. He crouches by the couch and takes in Beomgyu’s hair falling gently on his forehead, the pale column of his throat, chest rising with every breath, slightly parted lips and rosy cheeks and – it’s too much.</p><p>He taps his nose as softly as he can and murmurs, ‘Beomgyu?’ with entirely too much reverence in his voice. He cringes at himself and hopes this isn’t what he’ll sound like for the rest of his life. Oh God.</p><p>Beomgyu stirs, sighs. ‘Taehyunnie –‘</p><p>‘Not Taehyun.’ He can’t help but say.</p><p>Beomgyu’s eyes open instantly and Soobin thinks <em>ah, there he is.</em></p><p>‘Soobin-ah,’ he breathes, awestruck. ‘Please come here.’</p><p>He hasn’t been in the couch for a second when Beomgyu curls himself all around Soobin; hugging him so tightly he doesn’t know if he’s going into cardiac arrest because he can’t breathe properly or because of the author’s sheer <em>realness</em>: the weight of his legs around Soobin’s waist, hair tickling his neck, lavender, ink and old books, a heart beating against his own.</p><p>He lifts his head from Soobin’s neck and leans his forehead against his, eyes closed.  Soobin drinks him all in; lovely and still sleep warm.</p><p>‘Gyu,’ he whispers, thumb brushing the author’s cheek delicately.</p><p>‘I’m so, so sorry,’ Beomgyu blurts out, opening his eyes. ‘I’m – binded. To the library. I can’t be a forgotten author if you think of me so often and since I’m not really alive –‘</p><p>‘I’m going to kiss you now,’ he interrupts.</p><p>Beomgyu frowns, his pretty face drawing a question mark. ‘But –‘ he starts.</p><p>‘Listen,’ Soobin swallows thickly, ‘I’ve been waiting for a long time for – us. We have time now, and I would really like to kiss the person I’ve been in love with for an embarrassing amount of time before we do anything else.’</p><p>He considers Soobin’s words with as much care as he’s always shown and finally, nods.</p><p>Kissing Beomgyu is not fireworks and explosions – it’s coming home after being away for years, knowing all the words to a song you love and haven’t heard in ages, the first moonflower blooming after winter. His lips are soft against Soobin's, light and sweet and delicate; thumbs softly drawing circles in the nape of his neck and tugging him down, closer still.</p><p>When Soobin pulls away, Beomgyu’s looking at him with adoration so raw he thinks he’d drop straight to the ground if he wasn’t already sitting. He kisses Soobin’s cheek, his nose, attempts to give him a butterfly kiss – and that makes him giggle, giddy with affection – the corner of his mouth.</p><p>‘Thank you for finding me,’ he breathes against Soobin’s neck, later.</p><p>‘Anytime,’ he responds and holds him tighter, closer, closer.</p><p>(Even later, in hallway L, Taehyun and Kai will discuss magic theory, bond logistics and how their friends came together with the enthusiasm of a 6 year old who has acquired a new best friend. Yeonjun will scream ‘SHUT UP NERDS’ and at least 20 people will glare at him, Beomgyu will laugh and rest his cheek against Soobin’s shoulder, and Soobin will lace their fingers together.)</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>title is from star's <em>my favorite book</em>. this was supposed to be short and funny but. waves hand vaguely. Shoutouts to everything that made this thing happen one way or another: maze in the mirror, <em>la sombra del viento</em>, dark, latam magical realism.</p><p>books, in order: the little prince, romance of the three kingdoms, little women, 100 years of solitude, greek mythos, macbeth, the strange case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, the tempest, orlando &amp; the chronicles of Narnia. If u got them… nerd! (me too.)</p><p>flowers: linaria: please notice my feelings for you, forget-me-not: true love, don't forget me, hydrangeas: gratitude for being understood, moonflowers (that bloom on late spring...): dreaming of love</p><p>if you spot any spelling mistake, please let me know.</p><p>thank you for reading!! (´･ᴗ･ ` )</p></blockquote></div></div>
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